Jews and Divorce

There's no way to deny it, divorce is the norm. It really has nothing to do with religion anymore. Off the top of my head I think of at least one Catholic, Mormon, Muslim, Christian and Jewish couple that have gotten a divorce. A few decades ago all of these religions would have looked down upon these couples for calling it quits. I don't know what goes on in any of these other religions, but Jews don't bat an eyelash.

I sometimes wonder if the divorce rate spike is skewed. If women could have freely gotten a divorce decades ago without the social ramifications would they have? Women used to rely on their husbands for everything, and now we don't really need them. Women can even have children on their own now, so men may just become a thing of the past!

The head rabbi at my parent's synagogue is divorced. He and his new wife each have kids from a previous marriage and mind you, the synagogue hired him after his divorce and no one thought twice about it. He's a nice guy with great rabbinical experience, why wouldn't they hire him?

There is also a certain amount of mysticism around divorce in certain circles. For example, I happen to know someone who was raised reformed, who married someone that was raised orthodox. They had a nice (and quick! because who wants to wait to eat??) reformed marriage service and lived a nice reformed, quasi conservative (Jewish, not political) lifestyle. Sounds great, right?

Well, with the divorce rate above 50% in this country, it's not completely shocking that their union did not last. Well now this once orthodox Jew is asking my friend, the reformed Jew, for a GET.  And as you can see, the orthodox take these Gets very seriously. 

For any Goys in the audience, a Get, is a Jewish divorce document. It is like a Catholic annulment, it basically says that the marriage did not happen. I do not understand why anyone would care about a Get.

I know plenty of rabbis who will preform a second Jewish wedding ceremony without a Get. All they care about is that the first marriage is legally dissolved. (by a nice Jewish lawyer of course)

I don't think that a Get or annulment will ever really prove anything. While marriages can legally be undone, each party leaving the marriage will be leaving with battle scars that will never be undone. Who cares about a Get?

So Yenta, you ask, how can people avoid divorce? According to CNN, premarital therapy is the answer.

It sounds like it's a good start. Therapy never hurts. I found an interesting article on Jewish premarital therapy and the rabbi quoted explains that many couples that hire her to officiate their ceremonies view a wedding as a final step as opposed to one step in the lifecycle. I agree with this rabbi's perspective. Movies and books can make a wedding seem like its the end, but it really never is, is it?

I am also impressed with the Los Angeles Jewish premarital course that is referenced in this article. Each engaged couple must meet with a financial planner prior to getting married. Money is always said to be the number one thing that couples fight over, so why not just deal with this issue head on?